I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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