So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
