yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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