I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
