My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
