Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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