Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
