That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i out mim tonsoeep
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
