She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
