No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
