And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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