No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
