Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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