I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
