I'm sorry my penis didn't work
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
