I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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