Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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