U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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