We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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