Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize