no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How does one acquire holy water?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
