she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
