So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
