Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
