LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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