dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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