Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
