it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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