shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
