You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
