Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize