it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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