Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
