mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
