i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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