I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ttyl tear gas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
