this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
