dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
