You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
