who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
