what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
