Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
