he wants to bone in the snuggie
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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