I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
