Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize