I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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