come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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