in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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