My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
