If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
