Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
