bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
