the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
