my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
