well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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