We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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