They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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