There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
