I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
