are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My balls are so social today.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize