im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
