Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
