Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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