goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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