Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
