the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
