I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
